Conference
I like to go to conferences and sometimes to
symposia
They're mostly meant for scientists and others even
nosier.
Like doctors and professors representing academia
And
press and politicians and others even seamier.
There's coffee,
tea and orange juice to drink on your arrival.
And plates of
chocolate biscuits to assist with your survival
There's folders
full of papers, and even better yet
A badge that has your name on,
in case you should forget.
The keynote speech is given by
some pillar of society.
Their speech is written for them to avoid
all impropriety.
They'll stay for coffee after and a chat with me
and you.
Especially politicians cos they've not much else to do.
Speaking of refreshments, you usually have to queue.
First to get your coffee and then to use the loo.
Then bells are
rung to tell you to go back to your seat
But you can't really hear
them from the pub across the street.
But lingering too long
in the pub might give the wrong impression.
You're really meant to
show your face at every lecture session.
The speakers came from far
and wide which ought to be respected
To face them with an empty
room would make them feel neglected.
What's more the main
event is soon, and being more explicit.
They're setting up the
buffet lunch, you really mustn't miss it.
There's meat free, dairy
free and food that's free from wheat
With much more of this freedom
there'd be nothing left to eat.
The sleepy afternoon begins, you're dozy as can be.
You shouldn't eat and drink so much - even when it's free
But organisers have a trick to combat food and drink
They put you in discussion groups thus forcing you to think.
At last the day is over and the Chairman summarises.
You find that
what he has to say has very few surprises.
But no-one really minds
too much, cos it's becoming clear
He's reading from the speaking
notes he uses every year.
And then before we all go home
they stage a drinks reception.
As chances go for networking it's quite without exception.
We talk about our absent friends, without
exactly slagging
And talk about what we've been doing, without
exactly bragging.
There's lots of wine of different
kinds, enough to make you sick
And spicy stuff on bits of toast and
haggis on a stick.
You're loaded up with food and drink, you can't hold any more,
When someone tries to shake your hand it ends
up on the floor.
And then it's time to travel home,
you're sozzled and you're tired.
You ate a lot and drank your fill
with payment not required.
You met with friends both old and new and chatted with the
Minister.
He smiled a lot at your remarks which felt a little
sinister.
But then you try to think about the subject of the
day.
Then quickly see the pointlessness of seeing things that way.
The subject matter of the day is not what it's about.
A
conference is simply this: a cracking good day out.
Copyright Allan Bantick January 2018